


I’ll Be There

by alexfckingnovak



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Dialogue Heavy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Human Alec Lightwood, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse, This took me a week to write, human Magnus bane, p a i n, this is part of my social media au on twitter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-23 18:38:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19156690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexfckingnovak/pseuds/alexfckingnovak
Summary: In which Magnus texts Alec at 2AM after they recently got back together, asking him why he reacted the way he did. Alec tells him to meet him outside the old cathedral.I suck at descriptions, but basically Alec tells Magnus about his childhood and past abusive relationships, and Magnus comforts him.





	I’ll Be There

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of my social media AU on twitter, so some things may not make perfect sense, but it is still able to be read as a one shot so don’t worry.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy

Night time had always been Alec’s favorite. Ever since he became a teenager he would sneak out of his window and just walk around his neighborhood. The darkness that surrounded him didn’t yell at him for getting a B- on his AP Stat test, and the cold air didn’t force him to date that girl, Lydia, either. The silence was comforting, and often times the only moment of peace and quiet he had in a day. However, once he moved to New York City he stopped going out at night. That is, until now. 

Even in total darkness the heat was palpable, drops of sweat were rolling down his back and an uncomfortable mist settled on his brow. Summer in New York had always been hell, the large buildings that surrounded them locked in all of the heat and humidity. A part of him was glad that they were meeting at night, he didn’t want to imagine how he’d feel with the sun glaring down on him.

By the time he finally reached the outskirts of the city he had formulated about five plans of action, but none of them seemed good enough. How was he meant to talk about this? Alec had always expressed his feelings through actions, not words, but it’s not like he can do some stupid dance and have Magnus understand. Where would he even start? 

His blood chilled as the old cathedral came into view. Forcing himself to walk faster he dove back into his head, trying to plan out what to say. When he finally arrived at the field next to the building he saw Magnus sitting down, staring at his hands. Alec slowly walked towards him, hesitance showing in every step. He quietly sat next to Magnus and looked up at the stars. No matter how much time had passed since his teenage years he could still point out all the constellations in the sky. Magnus was the first to break the silence.

“Alexander.” Magnus’ tone pulled Alec’s eyes off the stars to meet his gaze. His exhaustion was evident in the moonlight.

Alec opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out. Slamming it shut he growled and pushed his palms into his eyes. He couldn’t do this. He felt Magnus’ eyes burning holes into the side of his head, waiting, watching. Slowly he pulled himself back together and lifted his head, blinking rapidly to clear his vision.

“What do you-“ his voice broke off before he could finish his sentence. Groaning, he continued, “What do you want me to say?” Silence settled over them once more as Magnus thought over his options.

“I won’t force you to say anything you don’t want to,” he eyed Alec closely, clearly choosing his next words carefully, “but I’d like to know why you reacted so extremely when you thought I lied to you about where I was.”

Alec sucked in a breath and nodded, internally preparing himself for what was to come. He looked back up to the stars and outlined the Ophiuchus constellation with his eyes, tracing over each invisible line. 

“I guess I’ll start with my parents.” He said, breaking the silence after a few moments. Sensing this would be a long talk Magnus settled into the cold ground as much as he could, trying to get comfortable.

“Growing up I thought my family was pretty normal. I had a mom and a dad and a little sister, Izzy. It was normal for me to hear my father yell at my mom every day, and for him to be gone almost every weekend on ‘business trips’. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t happy that they were arguing, but I didn’t think anything was wrong. Not until my teenage years, when everyone at school would whisper things when they thought I couldn’t hear. They said that my father was cheating on my mom, that he was hurting her.” Magnus’ breath caught in his throat. He had no idea what Alec’s childhood was like but he didn’t expect this. Alec tried his best to ignore Magnus’ presence, finding it easier to speak when he pretended no one was listening. 

“That day when I went home I started paying more attention. I refused to believe that father would do these things, but that feeling of unease wouldn’t let me rest until I found out the truth. It was small things at first, the red rings around mom’s eyes every morning, indicating that she cried the night before, or the sweet smell of a perfume that mom never wore. One night when father was on a trip and Izzy was at a sleepover I confronted my mom about it all. The rumors and the crying and the perfume. She-“ Alec’s voice cracked and wavered, but he just cleared his throat and forced himself to continue, “She broke down. It was true, all of it. He was cheating on her and he was yelling at her and he was- he was hurting her and she did nothing. Said nothing. At the time I was 12 and I didn’t understand why she wouldn’t just leave him.” A bitter smile washed over his face and he closed his eyes. “But I do now. She was doing it for me and Izzy, trying protect us from her pain. The truth is that she and my father hadn’t been in love for a long time. That our family was being held together by a string of fragile lies.” Alec opened his eyes and focused on another constellation, Hercules. It was quiet for a moment before Magnus opened his mouth to speak, but Alec unknowingly cut him off.

“When I was 14 I realized something about me was different. I didn’t look at girls the way I was supposed to. I told Izzy about it one night when I was 15 and she was 13. She told me that I might be gay, but I immediately shrugged her off. I couldn’t be gay, I just- I couldn’t. When I was 17 my father pressured me into dating this girl in my Chemistry class.” Magnus’ eyes widened and his heart stuttered. This was wrong on so many levels, but he knew all he could do now was listen.

“I knew I didn’t like her the way I was supposed to, but I figured that maybe if I agreed to date her I would start to like her. That- that she would fix me. I hated it, and I think a part of her knew I hated it. We dated for almost a year before I couldn’t handle it anymore. Izzy had been talking with me and she convinced me that being gay wasn’t a bad thing. That it didn’t make me any less of a person than everyone else. After I broke it off with Lydia my parents screamed at me, accusing me of all these horrible things. That’s when I came out to them. I screamed at them that I was gay. Looking back on it I couldn’t of chose a worse time. Father laughed in my face and told me to leave. He told me that I was a disgrace to the family, that uh, that one day I would realize how he was right.” 

Alec didn’t even realize he was crying until Magnus gently grabbed his jaw and turned his face towards him, wiping Alec’s tears away with his thumb. Alec broke, hot tears spilling faster now, sobs shaking his entire body. Magnus scooted closet and pulled Alec into his chest, slowly rocking them back and forth in what he hoped was a comforting manner. Alec pushed back a little and opened his mouth to continue, but all he seemed able to do was cry. Magnus tried to pull him closer but he just pushed back harder, mumbling something that vaguely sounded like ‘i’m fine’ over and over again.

After a few minutes Alec collected himself and wiped the rest of his tears away. He cleared his throat and stared at his hands, pressing his nails into his palm.

“Before I met you I thought love was just some stupid lie we told ourselves so that we could be happy. I never imagined, um, having a love- or, uh, feeling the way I feel towards you... fuck.” Alec turned his face and bit his lip, barely noticing the metallic taste of blood on his tongue. “I never thought that I would actually experience love, but with you I- I am. I love you, Magnus, and that scares the hell out of me. Because if by some miracle you haven’t noticed yet, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing! I don’t even know what a healthy relationship is like-“ Alec cut himself off and opened his hand, small droplets of blood fell from his palm. He didn’t even realize he was pressing his nails in that hard. Swallowing the lump in his throat he turned his back to Magnus and found his constellations once more.

“With Caleb, I thought I’d finally found it. I thought I’d found that dream love everyone seemed to rave about all the time. But no, that was just a lie I told myself to hide from the truth. Another fucking lie. He abused me, he used me, and I convinced myself that I deserved it. I was so sure that I deserved it that I stayed with him for three fucking years.” Magnus grabbed Alec’s hand and squeezed. He knew the self blame that came with abusive relationships. And he definitely knows how hard it is to move on.

“When Izzy, Clary, and Jace finally convinced me to end things with him I was at my lowest. After him I wanted absolutely nothing to do with love. I had accepted that it just wasn’t for me, and I was fine with that. I had Izzy, and Jace, and even Clary. They were enough for me.” After a few seconds of silence Alec turned to face Magnus for the first time that night. A myriad of emotions swirled through their eyes, their pupils holding hundreds of words they left unsaid. Finally, Alec opened his mouth.

“Then I met you. You, Magnus Bane, took my hand and showed me what the word love means.” Magnus had practically stopped breathing, his heart swelling in his chest. “When I think of love I think of your eyes, I think of your tired smiles, I think of your kisses and I think of your hand in mine. I was—am—scared of this. I don’t want this to end, Magnus, and I know that sounds contradictory since I’m the one that broke up with you but the thought of you, my first love, lying to me- it just- it broke me. I was so scared of being hurt again that I shoved you away before you even had the chance to explain yourself and I am so so sorry. It was wrong of me, it was immature and I wish I could take it back.” Alec dropped his gaze and blinked back the tears threatening to spill, Magnus watched him in silence. He desperately wanted to forgive Alec, and now that he knew why he reacted the way he did it seemed a hell of a lot easier, but something was holding him back. Fear. 

“Alexander,” Magnus started, bringing Alec’s eyes right back to his, “I want you to promise me something.” The sun was just starting to lift over the horizon line, allowing Magnus to see the raw sadness and desperation on Alec’s face.

“Promise me that if you ever get scared like this again, or if you have any doubts or questions, promise me that you’ll talk to me first before acting on them.” Magnus held Alec’s gaze and he tried to find any hint of malice, but all he was met with was trust and, dare he say it, love.

“Magnus, I promise you that from now on I will tell you about my doubts and talk through my worries before acting on any of them. I promise.” Silently Magnus nodded and unfolded his legs, wincing as they got used to being out straight again. He carefully stood up and wiped the dirt off of his clothes before extending his hand down to Alec, helping him up. Magnus was about to leave for his car when Alec grabbed his wrist, turning him back around.

“Magnus I-“ hesitation and fear flashed over his face before he hardened his eyes and continued, “I love you.” Magnus’ heart leapt from his chest and a smile found its way onto his face.

“I love you too, Alexander.” He gently leaned in and pressed a light kiss on Alec’s forehead before smiling at him and turning on his heel, heading towards his car. Alec stood there, stunned, and watched as Magnus walked away. Slowly coming back to his senses he also turned towards the city and started walking. Unable to resist he turned back to the old cathedral, the sun now beaming down from just above the spire. Silently, Alec cursed to himself. He should’ve brought his camera.


End file.
